Asteptarea


  Nu ma mai asculta timpul si nu mai stiu sa ma ascult nici eu. Nu accept asteptarea pe care o impune timpul, perioada de refacere, de readaptare dupa  orice schimbare.
   Nu pare a fi corect, nu e echitabil si strica tot echilibrul in viata, aseptarea te face sa crezi ca  viata-i nedreapta.
    Tot ce vine si pleaca ar trebui trait la paroxism si cu aceeasi forta sa te misti catre ceva nou...dar aici, pare ca zace misterul. Perioada in care te rugumi pe dinauntru si pe dinafara pana te tai si pana ti se face sila de ce a existat pana atunci...asteptarea vine, cica, cu lectii de viata.
Lectii ce te fac sa nu-ti fi dorit sa fi crescut si sa fi plecat din fasa mamei...
Juram in fiecare asteptare ca e ultima oara cand ne-am permis sa fim " nebuni" si am trait "noul"...asteptarea e singurul act de maturitate fara vreo actiune, doar o stare latenta de autoconsum!



            De ce atatea lectii, de ce atatea asteptari? A invatat cineva ceva care i-a folosit, sa nu mai greseaca vreodata?

  

              

    

  Letter to you, all my lovers.

       I’ve lied to you all, my lovers. I’ve misguided you with  my intentions, not with my desires.

      I never told you: we are somehow alike, I never forget any lover and I can’t let go of anyone and that’s not fair! They are captured in that past.

Everytime, no matter how long it’s been, I  just bring them back with that half opened  eyes, with a soft battle of eyelashes,  with that  silly smile in  the corner of my mouth.

   I will always have them there, they will always be mine. When I’m around, I make them feel the unfinished  “one”.

      Yes, I’ve lied to them like I’ve lied to you…My intentions were to be “one full”, not a selfish “me”. That’s why you and them will always want me!

It was all a big half: half of my cruelty, my emotions, my body, half of my mind, not even a true poker face…

I wanted to be “one”,  but it was just “the selfish”, the ego, and also the self defense wall!

You, all of you, didn’t deserve  me!!!

   

      I’m sorry for you, all my lovers, my everlasting never happening, half hearts…

I didn’t give you free love, I cherish  you  all, but I didn’t love you!

      One of these days I will release you, I’ll find my other part, that half soul of mine and I’ll be his for no reason. I’ll tell him everything and anything …I’ll hold to that like an obsessed mind.

     One of these days, I’ll show him the bitch, the sister, the housewife, the child, the crazy and everything I haven’t discovered yet!

        One of these days, I will be yours without knowing,

                   Those days, the cage will be broken and you, my half hearts, will be set free!